Tag: keepgoing

SAME LAME THING!

I’ve heard people make this type of comment about our youth “What is wrong with kids these days?” Uhhh, duh.  Let’s start off with one of the obvious issues. MODELING BEHAVIOR.  KIDS who make fun of others turn into ADULTS that do the same lame thing.  And I believe that parents sometimes model this jerk behavior, and don’t realize what they are doing.  Or if they do, they don’t care because they watched the same modeling behavior unfold growing up.

As an adult, I simply can’t wrap my simple little noggin around adults making fun of others but unfortunately just the other night I sat at a table full of adults doing just that.  Gross and disgusting.

Let me paint the picture of the event.  Inaugural Ball. Beautiful event. Beautiful “looking” people. It was a very cool experience even though I still claim to be a Republican.  I’ve shifted over the years to the party of “I really don’t know who or what I am.”  As the ceremony came to an end, dinner began, the band started to play and people headed for the dance floor.  There was a young lady, I would guess somewhere between 18-20 and she was dancing as the band played.  The second I saw her, I smiled. As she was doing something different with zero fear.  It seemed like a lyrical type dance.  She was smiling and enjoying herself and not being hindered in the least about the opinions of others.  She had a confidence that no one at my table shared.  That said the “adults” at my table started making comments with twisted facial smirks and the like.  My response to this was “At least she’s up there dancing and having a good time.” Which was more than anyone at that table could say.

A few thoughts flooded my mind about these small minded people who were 35+ years of age and still doing exactly what they probably did in high school….JUDGING & MAKING FUN of people who are different.

I thought they must be so insecure about themselves.  I wondered if I recorded them, and did a playback how proud they would’ve been of their words and actions.

I thought they needed people with grace in their lives to help with humble modeling behaviors.

I thought they were so clueless.  They didn’t know her.  They didn’t know who she was or where she comes from and because of my son I always think beyond the “perfect little human box” (which good luck with that box btw, it’s a fairytale) and maybe this girl had a special need, or maybe she loved to express herself with dance or maybe she just loved to dance in general and she was dancing the only way she knew how and she didn’t care who was watching.  I LOVED THIS ABOUT HER!

I couldn’t wait to escape the table for the bathroom.  I’d rather wait in a 20 minute line alone than sit at that table.

I regret one thing about that night and that was not getting up from the table and dancing with her.

So here’s to the beautiful young girl on the dance floor doing your thing.

KEEP DOING YOU.  KEEP DOING WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE.  KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD AND DON’T EVER LET ANYONE STOP YOU.  YOUR SMILE IS CONTAGIOUS.  THANK YOU FOR BEING BRAVE. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE MORE LIKE YOU.  FREE.

xoxoxo

sexy-girl-dancing

Breathe in…Breathe out.

TAK

 

My life is a bit of a shit show and it’s okay.

There are days when I wake up and automatically feel like a total and complete badass. Then there are the days I wake and think, please please please let me wake up again, hit restart and make this shit show disappear. Yep, call me a dream chaser, because that doesn’t happen. EVER.  I can choose to struggle with the day or I can embrace the shit show for what it is and make it positive. This morning in the shower, which is like my meditation time to myself, no kids, no thinking, no drama, and I can hear my music playing through my cell phone being interrupted over and over again with work emails, regular emails, texts, notifications etc.  What do I do? I yell at my phone like it’s the phones fault for doing its job.  It only reiterates to me, I need to be in therapy once again.

I think the main reason I feel overwhelmed by life sometimes, is because I don’t prioritize the crazy train.  In fact I know that’s the issue.  There’s a ton going on in my life as with most people.  Work, training in the gym, raising good kids, kids and school, dealing with an idiot ex-husband who makes everything under the sun difficult, trying to learn BJJ, maintaining good relationships and friendships, pursuing passions, trying to establish boundaries in my life I’ve never had and the other 50 billion other things I want to accomplish that never get checked off the list.

Every whiney piece of me, wants to cry out “what about me?”  “I need to be the priority, I need to be happy.  If I’m not happy how can I be a good mom, or a good blah blah blah”.  Frankly I caught myself saying that in my head a few weeks ago, circling the wagons with the same round and round logic of “Hey jackass, you are going to get your shit in order starting tomorrow, you are the priority and everything else will fall into place.  You’ve done it before, you can do it again.”  But then I thought no.  No, I will not get my shit together.  Why not? Because I just won’t. THAT IS THE REALITY.  Not in this moment of time.  And guess what, for the first time EVER, that’s ok. #REBEL

I have created so much additional pressure trying to stay in the same previous pattern priorities that I haven’t allowed myself to evolve, which has denied me the ability to come to terms with the fact that IT IS OKAY to just be. Stop with the countdowns for a minute. Stop with the pressure to “get on track”. Stop with the negative talk to myself that I need to be this or that. JUST STOP.  JUST BE.  It really is okay.  Inhale…Exhale…pexels-photo-1002812.jpeg