SPRING FORWARD with a FULL MOON and a BAR OF SOAP

It’s official…today was the first day of Spring. 60 degrees and beautiful. The wind was blowing and the smell of sun was on my skin. Besides laughter, I believe a day like this is medicine for the soul especially after several dreary months and a breakup.  They say “Spring brings new beginnings and new growth” in my opinion it brings allergies and occasional Tornados, but hey I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I really do appreciate and love the sun.

Then tonight, lucky me, I get a FULL MOON, well everyone else did too, but I’m pretending the sunny day and full moon was meant for me but I’ll share.  WE ALL DESERVE IT.  It’s ridiculous how much I love the moon.  Like in a nerdy, run outside and admire it kind of big eyed way.  It started as a child and it’s never changed.  I stood in the driveway just staring at it tonight, the same way I’ve stared at it my entire life.  This time felt different and vulnerable.  As I looked up I wondered if I would ever be excited to share a gorgeous moment like this with someone else again?  I shook it off, took a deep breath, blew the moon a kiss and went inside.

And yeah, about that bar of soap.  See, I’ve had this bar of DIAL soap in my shower for like 2 years.  I’m completely serious, 2 years.  My ex-boyfriend used this soap.  Truthfully I’m not sure why I’ve kept it since the break up or in general because he rarely stayed here and never showered here when we were together.  It’s been in there so long it’s dried out and cracking.  While showering tonight, for some crazy ass reason, I decided to wet it down, put it on my bath gloves and scrub away.  I’m not sure why I would choose this torture method because #1 it dried my skin out something fierce and #2 one of my favorite smells (NO JUDGING) was going upstairs at his house to get myself ready for bed and smelling “his” smell before I even reached the bedroom.  What I mean by “his” smell was the DIAL soap smell on his skin.  He showered and beat me to bed every single night.  The smell had a weirdo sense of coming home for me.  When I smelled him it brought calm and security and more than not, kissing and love making until another shower was needed.  I haven’t smelled him for several months now and smelling the DIAL tonight didn’t bother me like I thought it would, thankfully.  I did think about how weird it would be to smell someone else after a shower, or see them in a towel or feel their lips on mine.  Then my stomach flipped and not in the good butterfly kind of way.  So I shut those thoughts down.  Jeez, I’m just not ready for them.

I have no idea what any of this babble means, but I’ll give a shot to conclusion.  Since we’ve been apart, we’ve passed by Winter, Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, 1st day of Spring, a few Full Moons, and the Justin Timberlake Concert tomorrow (dang you JT hot pants for canceling the original show in the Fall because of those precious vocal cords, I know you need them but I needed you! lol).  And this doesn’t account for all the things we’ve missed and passed involving our kids.  It’s so strange the way time can feel in slow motion but in reality it’s moving fast.

As the days go on I mark through the calendar and think about where I’ve been, where I am in that particular moment and where I’m going.  I don’t believe “time heals everything” and I don’t believe the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I once did.  But because of this experience I now believe it’s ok to be weak. It’s ok to hurt…still.  It’s ok to take your time.  It’s ok to still love him.  It’s ok to let the good and bad memories hurt.  It’s just ok. Someday everything will be better than ok.  What else can a girl do?  Keep Going.  Keep Moving.  Keep Smiling.  Keep Laughing.  Keep Growing. Keep Healing.

CHEERS to the 1st official day of Spring – New Beginnings, New Growth aka allergies and tornados, CHEERS to the beautiful full-moon that brings wonder and possibilities and CHEERS to that dried out bar of soap that didn’t trigger me but made me use a ton of extra body lotion.

I’m growing like a spring flower and changing, or maybe I’m a weed or quite possibly a tornado! LOL!

Live.Learn.Rinse.Repeat.

TAK